If I wasn t such a lazy bast
I d take a time machine into the past
And while my dad was giving my mom the ham
I d run into the bed with a battering ram
And say

Dad, don t give me life
You won t be proud of me
I ll grow up stupid and dumb
And hated by the family
I ll spend your cash
Eat your food
Destroy your life
And eventually lead you to suicide
So take your dick out of mom
Before you ruin your life

If I had the energy I had before I became dull
I d use my lack of lethargy to time travel
Back to when I was being conceived
And tell my parents something they wouldn t believe
I d say

Mom, don t let dad fuck you
I m sure it feels good now
But soon you ll be in pain
And big as a sea cow
And I ll get on your nerves
And you ll beat me down
And get sent away to jail
So what s the point in having me?
You ll end up getting nailed
By some bitch and her pet shemale

But I don t have the strength
Or the willpower to tell me to go on
I guess it s called determination
Well, I have none
So I guess I ll just sit here
While my dad shoots
Himself in the other room
And I guess I ll just sit here
While my mom gets fucked
By a broom in the butt
But you know what, mom and dad
I guess my life ain t so bad